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I Should Wear a Cup. Look Out Hes Gonna Blow. Take My Advice Please. TelevisionIs Nothing Sacred? Honey I Shrunk My Underpants. Where Does the Money Go? Daddy Are You Awake? Vacations Will Never Be the Same. Personally, my anxiety manifests in a few ways. Much of the above is very familiar to me. For example, in a conversation with another person, I am often half listening, wondering how I am coming across to the other person.
What are they thinking? Do they like me? What should I say next? Did they just give me a funny look? Am I boring them!? On bad days this internal narrative is so overwhelming my mind goes blank, and I cannot think of a thing to say. Sometimes, I respond almost defensively to the most innocuous of questions. Then I spend the rest of the day even days berating myself.
I apologise to all my friends who have endured these painful interactions with me. Thank you for seeing past it all and being kind. In truth, I am luckier than some. I have a loving husband and family, I have had help, my anxiety is always there, but mostly under control. I have some good friends. Held down a career in freelance design. I do volunteer work that I love.
You see, I do actually want to be around people. It is just we also find it incredibly difficult. Parties or gatherings of large people can be most difficult for me to navigate. I used to just turn down invitations to parties. I still get that white-hot fear though, when I walk into a room full of people even if I know most of them. How I feel the event went can have a profound impact on my mood. If I think I managed to navigate it with more ease than usual, I am happy. If I have an awkward moment, not only am I anxious about how that must have looked, but it descends into this horrible feeling of shame and embarrassment about who I am as a person later.
The self-loathing sometimes lasts for days. Regardless of how the event went, I am often exhausted afterwards. At 35, when I had my baby, I was thrown into a new world. I often found myself making an excuse to avoid them. I went to one baby group where not one person spoke to or made eye contact with me. Despite tons of breastfeeding issues, I think my daughter was months old before I managed to get to a breastfeeding support group without a friend.
The kindness of peer supporters and mothers there made that group my lifeline really. Thank goodness for boob group, NCT friends and Facebook because I think these things actually saved me from acute loneliness in the early days of motherhood. Especially when I say I also do telephone support and they are familiar with me dithering around, taking a week to call a plumber! However, my support work is so much easier to navigate than a baby group. It is like putting on a costume. I have conversational tools from my training to support women.
There are some questions you always have to ask, some issues which are so very common, these things form a kind of familiar script, so I always have something to say. Silences are encouraged so it gives me time to think. I am often asked about specific issues and have a bank of knowledge I can draw from to move the conversation forward. Crucially, I am not focusing on myself , but on someone else. I can largely forget about what people are thinking about me. In fact, it is actively discouraged. As my daughter gets older I now find myself often scrutinising her interactions with other children.
My biggest fear is that she ends up like me. The maddening thing is, I know the more anxious I am around people in front of her, the more likely this is. This encourages me to navigate situations I would have previously avoided.
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My daughter drives me on to be my best self. While she is a little shy as a child and often overwhelmed in busy situations, I have seen how well she interacts with other children at nursery or smaller groups. Next year she starts school. I cannot articulate how worried I feel for her. If you are a parent with social anxiety but you push yourself into situations which make you anxious try to remember this: it takes guts.
Finding the courage to go to that group is amazing. You were brave. Being a parent with social anxiety can be hard. On top of this, as parents, we may be dealing with a loss of our professional identity and other parts of ourselves. You are navigating a new beginning. Like many new starts, if you lack confidence, it can be even more stressful. So give yourself credit where it is due. I still remember the girl who finally befriended me at school during my worst period of social anxiety.
My appeal to everyone is, please say hello to that quiet mum in the corner of the playgroup if you can. Make eye contact, smile, reach out, be kind. Sometimes, someone is standoffish because they are anxious. Please be forgiving. Engage that scared looking person in a conversation. It might not be the start of a beautiful friendship, but you might be the person who helps them get through the day smiling or encourages them to come to the group again.
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They may actually make a friend or two eventually. Small gestures count. Make them a cuppa. You never know the difference your kindness might make to someone. If you can relate to the issues raised in this blog, first and foremost, seeing your GP might be helpful.
You may also have local counselling services you can self-refer to. CBT is considered one of the most effective interventions for social anxiety. Find me on Facebook! A while ago, I had the privilege of reviewing this wonderful book, my review has now been published, so I am excited to be able to share it with you all here. Wendy Jones is an inspiring figure in the field of lactation. A massively experienced Breastfeeding Supporter for the Breastfeeding Network and a qualified pharmacist; Wendy has tirelessly worked to help parents who breastfeed.
This wonderful resource tirelessly gives information to lactating people about medications they may need to take during breastfeeding. Women are often given misinformation about what medications they can and cannot take. Wendy Jones opens her book with an introduction to her subject, providing heartstring tugging examples of why better support around medications and breastfeeding really matters. Putting a human face and empathy on what could easily be quite a dry subject matter is something she continues to do throughout the book.
Why does my baby want to feed all the time?
The case studies are really moving, covering examples like postpartum women on a maternity ward being told they could only take paracetamol while recovering from c-sections or episiotomies and mothers dealing with weaning decisions after being given a cancer diagnosis, among many others. The chapter on over-medicalisation of common issues like infant reflux, CMPA and colic are a must read for any peer supporter, particularly those among us who provide support on online forums where suggestions of reflux and CMPA are common.
Some of the facts and studies Wendy discusses are truly eye-opening and the book is well referenced with a focus on remaining evidence-based. Wendy ends her book with a discussion about where women can go on to get support around prescribing issues, and talking about milk donation. This book is about so much more than medication; it is a wide-ranging overview of issues breastfeeding parents may face dealing with their healthcare.
Skip to content. Inevitably those same old, tired, lines came out. So this is my appeal. Have you fallen into the dark side of night boobing? Are you wondering if night weaning is the answer? When Might Night Weaning be Difficult? Before you Start Communicate. Let your child know what is happening. Talk to your child about boobies going to sleep and having boobie in the morning.
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Other parents might make their own story book where they say goodnight to things in the house and you say goodnight to boob at the end. Small steps first. Consider introducing a comforter a month or so before you night wean. Alternatively introduce a special song, soundtrack or a special scent instead. The idea is to create a sleep cue outside of breastfeeding.
Food and Drink. It might help to take some water to bed. Let them know a cup of water is there before going to bed. In older children night breastfeeding is often not about the milk as much as the connection, but, do think about their nutrition during the day. If your child is breastfeeding frequently at night will their needs for protein, fats and calcium be covered?
Night Weaning Tips for Toddlers and Small Children Drop the first feed- Children often fall deeply asleep when they are first put to bed, so it may be easiest to start with dropping the first feed of the night when they settle to sleep more easily. You can try the other comfort measures you have introduced when they wake. Once they accept not breastfeeding at the first feed, you can drop the subsequent feeds one at a time, until finally all feeds are dropped.
Shortened feeds- Much like I did with A, you could experiment with shortening feeds. Some parents like to use a countdown like me, others might sing a special song.
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You can reduce the countdown or drop verses, or even sing more quickly! You can shush at this point or use some other comfort method. The idea is that if your child roots for the nipple again, offer it back. The theory is your child will drop off to the other cue and you can begin the process of removing the nipple earlier in the feed until boobing is no longer needed at all.
Back up buddy- Some parents find if their partner has been involved in settling their little one already, it can work well to send them in for settling some of the feeds. Word of warning, if your child is not used to this it may have the opposite effect! Reflect on how things work in your house and follow your instincts. Bed Sharing- If you bed share, continuing to do so might make things easier.
While the boobie goes to sleep, the comfort from your presence remains. Taking away both of these things at same time might be a lot of change. Encouraging your child to sleep apart from you can often be worked on later. Clothing- Think about what you will wear to bed. I still remember waking up one night after we had night weaned, to a cheeky A sneaking in a breastfeed when she thought I was asleep!
Block of time approach- One advocate for this approach is Dr Jay Gordon and you can read more about his approach here. The principle involves picking a block of time- say midnight to 5am- to avoid breastfeeding. There really should be an instruction book to being a new parent. This is a set of products for the new mommy that are all organic and utilize natural herbs. The bottom spray will ease perineum pain, the nipple butter soothes nipples cracked and sore from nursing, and the postpartum bath herbs are perfect for an all-natural, soothing, postpartum sitz bath.
Not only is this a comfortable PJ set, it also buttons in the front which will come in very handy for late-night feedings. Besides, there are few things in life better than crawling under a big fluffy blanket on a cool night, and this shorts set will make sure she gets that pleasure all through the holiday season. While wearing the baby is usually the easiest way to carry him or her for extended periods of time, doing so in the cold is significantly more difficult. This gift is undoubtedly for the very new mother, but it may be used for longer than you might imagine.
In fact, while the hospital often gives these to moms, they do not give her as much as she needs. And you topping her off to make sure she has them through all her postpartum pain will be undoubtedly appreciated. You know your friend better than we do. But if you know a new mom who finds the humor in an occasional cursing, this may be the perfect lighthearted gift for her. Children have a billion reasons to avoid sleep.
This is a sweet little stocking stuffer not just for new moms, but new parents. This may be a bit too invasive for certain personality types, especially if that person is still relatively new as a mother — she may still be trying to juggle it all. But if a new mom has had a few months of newborn craziness or is returning to work, this is a perfect gift.
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They have to experience it firsthand to truly know the effects. This miracle kitchen gadget is wonderful for her because it will make preparing a healthy meal for her family so easy that she may actually be able to do it without adding any stress into her life. And less stress for a new mom can have far-reaching effects on every aspect of her life. New mom may not be a wine drinker yet. The next time you get together with her this holiday season, give her this gift to let her know you understand her struggle.
It provides prompts to get the creative juices flowing, and looking back on these will allow the child to share a sense of history with his or her mother — and that gift is immeasurable. Each of these 4 milestones for mommy are significant life firsts, and commemorating them is a way of inducting her into motherhood. This is a dual-purpose gift that is perfect to put in a stocking for a new mom. This is a nice little brain exercise that will keep her occupied and help her pass the time of her convalescence.
This set is great for all new moms, but particularly those struggling to recover from birth. The all-purpose balm? It takes care of everything in-between. No one takes more pictures and videos than a new mom. This set is good enough that she can even pick up a hobby of photography and get some professional quality photos of her new favorite muse to frame or canvas onto her wall. So her hair? It gets knocked down a few pegs on her to-do list.
It will give a new mom ideas and tips on things she may not realize now but will become no-brainers after a while. For example: putting a baby on a routine will help them do virtually everything better.